Shortly after the 70.3 I got sick..BUMMER! Both ears infected, severe vertigo and sinus infection. Big TIME BUMMER! No doubt due to the fact that the last 3 weeks of training my ears would bleed when taking out my ear plugs. I was down for two weeks. No training , nada ,nothing for 2 weeks.
At week 3 I started getting back into the groove (of not feeling like I just took a hit of Moonshine) but just did not have my heart into training. I wasn't depressed (as some have talked about after completing a big race). I just had no heart for running, cycling or swimming (I was plain scared to put plugs back in my ears after 2 weeks of vertigo and dizzy!). I woke one day thinking I was excited to train again but it was short lived. What ? How could this be? This was something that I truly never expected to happen to me. I loved having a schedule telling me what to do and when to do it. I loved the nights of going to bed knowing I had done an amazingly hard training session earlier in the day. How could my heart NOT be into training again?
Then it occurred to me. I realized last week that I was living in a panic /fear that life as a triathlete was OVER! Due to my history with my ears and the last conversation with my ENT specialist , I was living in fear of something completely unknown. So, against any good wisdom, I swam on Monday. And my ears bled after the swim. And now I have dizziness. Panic and fear again. Then, I remembered an amazing sermon by Apostle Steve and Apostle Todd. And I stopped and listened . Really intently listened. Panic and fear subsided the more I was quiet. The more I was quiet (which is really hard for me) the more I heard . The more my heart was quiet , the more it filled with peace. The more peace that was filled, the happier I was.
The outcome? If I never swim again, I am mentally okay. I did something amazing the day I finished that 70.3. I overcame fears and obstacles . I realized how I can push my body to limits I never thought I could. The months of training made me into a better person, both physically and spiritually. Crossing that finish line was not just for me! It was for so many others who have doubt or are scared to venture forth. Venture forth......
So, Pat and I took a walk and decided it was time to go back to my ENT who specializes in "hard ears " (not hard heads but I do fall in that category). He already said I need both ears re-done and 6 weeks of IV meds to prevent another rejection ( who rejects ear drums? ME). I have put the appointment off for 2 years in fear. We will seek the wisdom of a medical professional. And, if he says I can never swim, then I am okay. Really I am. But, we are going to pray that healing will occur with the surgery (should I need it) without needs of IV meds and such. And, still, if I can't swim I will be okay.
So, as any good athlete , I have already set new goals for my next adventure! Already got races lined up to meet these goals. I pray that swimming will be a part of my goals but if not I will venture forth anyway!
The saying is so cliche' but holds so much truth...I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me.....not some but ALL! I can take disappointment and sadness and turn it into something that can help others. I can do this as my strength and provision comes from Yahweh and His word is NEVER wrong!
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